80+ Funny Christmas Wishes, Messages and Quotes
Funny Christmas Wishes
I hope your smiles will just be as big as your credit card bill this Christmas! Wish you good luck and a lot of fun. Happy Christmas!
I hope Santa fills our socks with cash money instead of gifts and toys. I know you hope for the same. Wish you a happy Christmas!
You are allowed to have an awesome Christmas as long as I have my presents waiting at my doorstep. Have a great time!
Just wanted you to know that you have literally no chance of ending up on the good list of Santa this year. Merry Christmas to you!
Some people have a great year in life and some years have bad people in them. Feeling sorry yet? Just kidding. May your Christmas be full of fun!
I tried to hard to make Santa believe that you’ve been good throughout the year. Instead, I got my presents canceled for being a friend of you!
I prayed that Santa would give you wings this Christmas so you can fly and disappear from the earth forever. Just kidding. Merry Christmas!
You know your life sucks when you have to wait the entire year for Santa to bring you some presents because apparently, no one care to give you a present.
This Christmas is all about feeling special. I hope you spend this Christmas drinking to the point that you completely forget you’re a loser!
Merry Christmas to you. I can see you have a great decoration there. But I think your credit card bill will not be as attractive as your decorations!
One important rule of Christmas; You can eat all the sweet candies as long as you don’t forget to brush your teeth. Merry Christmas!
May you survive the boring speech of priest in the church and join me at the party as soon as possible. Merry Christmas!
Christmas is season of magic and mystery. All your savings for the year will have vanished and you won’t even know it. How awesome!
The reason why everyone makes wishes in every Christmas is that no one’s wish ever comes true! Making Christmas wishes is just a custom! Merry Christmas!
You are too young to go to a club and have a drink and too old to expect gifts from Santa. In fact, you just don’t fit into the joys of Christmas!
I don’t know if you realize it or not, but you are getting fatter than Santa Clause. Even Santa would bully you this for being so fat! Merry Christmas!
Funny Christmas Messages
Christmas is not only for praying and praising But for drinking and messing around also, Merry Christmas!
Dearest God, this Christmas I planned on going green. So please get the point and send me lots of cash this Christmas. Thank you!
Christmas is truly full of wonders. It makes all of my savings disappear! That is the Christmas magic, Merry Christmas!
Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, Santa asked what are you doing and she answered: Waiting for autumn.
I mistakenly wrapped your Christmas present in a paper that says “Happy Birthday”. So I added the wording “to Jesus” on it. Merry Christmas!
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
Christmas is mostly for children. But we adults can enjoy it too until the credit card bills arrive!
A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum, a kiss is not a kiss unless it’s with tongues. So open your mouth and close your eyes and give your tongue some exercise! Merry Christmas!
I don’t understand why people like to say “Mary Christmas.” Isn’t it Jesus’ birthday? We should say, “Jesus Christmas.”
I’ve finally found the true meaning of Xmas, it’s for those people who can’t spell Christmas!
Santa told me you’d been very good this year, I told him it was just lack of opportunity. Merry Christmas!
Please allow Jesus to Come and Bless people in Church on Christmas, If he sees you there he may not. So come here and have a party with me, Merry Christmas to you!
There are four stages in life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.
I think Santa should hire giants instead of elves so that he can have a faster production of gifts. Have a fun Christmas!
A Christmas Reminder: Don’t try to borrow any money from elves; They’re always a little short! Have a Merry Christmas!
Dear Santa, If you promise to be nice and give me everything on my list, I promise to give you the antidote to those poison cookies you just ate. Thank you.
I would say all I want for Christmas is YOU, But I really would love a new credit card as well!
Christmas is the festival of love and spirit So let us drink the spirit to feel love, Merry Christmas too!
Hey you two over there, It’s the old, bearded guy and his silly reindeer! We’re here to bring you holiday cheer and wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Santa left batteries under the tree with a note that said “Due to cutbacks, toys not included.
Is Santa so busy that he cannot find time to groom himself? I think he needs to shave his beard.
Christmas is a time for remembering family and trying to guess everyone’s sizes! Have a Wonderful Christmas!
I have Kept some photos in my home So come here instead of Church you can drink and pray, And no more boring speech from the priest Merry Christmas and Happy New year!
Everyone knows the most important part of the Christmas celebration is spending time with family you don’t get to see very often. Then you have an excuse to neglect them the rest of the year.
I think Santa must ride a plane instead of sleigh so that he can reach me faster. I oftentimes fell asleep waiting for him.
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
Funny Christmas Wishes for Girlfriend/Boyfriend
Every time I see you, I think of Santa. You have so many things in common with that big, fat, silly guy except that long-white beard. Merry Christmas dear!
You are a huge blessing in my life (just over 200 pounds!!). I’m glad that you didn’t fall upon me directly from the sky. Merry Christmas!
I wrote to Santa admitting that I have been naughty throughout this year and it’s all because of you. Now, I’m waiting for Santa’s reply. Merry Christmas!
Christmas has been postponed because I did not receive my late-night kiss. So, if you want to celebrate Christmas, you have to give me a hug as a penalty. Merry Christmas!
Your name has been missing from both the naughty and nice list of Santa. So, I told him to search your name on his handsome list. I’m sure he will find it there!
Christmas is all about spending time with good people. So makes sure you spend the entire day with me tomorrow. Merry Christmas, sweetheart!
I hope when Santa comes at midnight, he brings you wrapped in a box as my Christmas gift! That would make a perfect Christmas for me this year!
May your Christmas be spent in eating candies and cakes as long as you don’t forget brushing your teeth. Wishing you a Merry Xmas!
The one and only rule for you to follow this Christmas; don’t drink too much if I’m not there to carry you home! Merry Christmas!
Funny Christmas Wishes for Husband/Wife
Merry Christmas dear! The only thing that I hate about Christmas is a bearded, fat moron invading our home at midnight and calling you A ‘Ho’.
Christmas may well be a season to celebrate for you, but for me, it means trying my ass off to save every single penny I earned this year and make it through to the next year.
Our plans for Christmas: Let’s have all the fun of our life and then we’ll both be praying until our credit bills arrive to rip us off. Happy Xmas!
The true magic of Christmas is when you make my savings disappear without me realizing what happened. You’re truly a blessing in disguise of a wife!
Let’s drink till we start admitting our sins to each other and then sober up realizing we don’t remember anything from last night. What a great Christmas that would be!
I wished to be surrounded by good people, not the ones that spoil my mood. But Santa told me that offer was not for married people.
In case I forget to bring presents for you, keep your doors open, Santa will definitely come with a box of chocolates. Merry Christmas!
What should have been a day for going to churches and attending prayers, instead became a day for the wives to make their husband’s savings disappear. This is Xmas day for you!
The season has finally come for every husband in the world to finally go broke from being rich. Merry Christmas to all the beautiful wives out there.
Funny Christmas Quotes
“Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” – Gary Allan
“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day – the birth of Santa? – Matt Groening
“You better watch out, You better not cry, Better not pout, I’m telling you why Santa Claus is coming to town.” – Haven Gillespie
“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” – Phyllis Diller
“Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” – Melanie White
“Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – Dennis Miller
“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” – Bridger Winegar
“Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy’.” – Robert Paul
“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde
“What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.” – Don Marquis
“Christmas is like candy; it slowly melts in your mouth sweetening every taste bud, making you wish it could last forever.” – Richelle Goodrich
“Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge
“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” – Andy Rooney
“Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking? – Arlo Guthrie
“From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.” – Katharine Whitehorn
“Be careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar… or, as you like to call it, delicatessen.” – Sean Hughes
Christmas is much more than just decorating trees, having fun with friends and stuffing ourselves with Christmas delicacies. It is about spreading the same happiness and joy that we feel within ourselves. Without Christmas wishes, the fun of Christmas is incomplete. Funny Christmas wishes are the best Christmas greeting ideas for making your loved one laugh. So, send funny Christmas wishes, text and quotes to your friend, girlfriend/boyfriend, husband/wife and give them a reason to laugh. Christmas is a wonderful occasion to send funny wishes and messages. Don’t waste your chance to bring a smile on your loved one’s faces by wishing them with some witty Christmas humor of yours. You can also use these messages as funny Christmas card wishes if you want. These wonderfully crafted funny Christmas wishes will definitely make your Christmas holiday card stand out.